Breaking up with your Credit Card

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master — that's all.'
- Lewis Carroll (Alice Through the Looking Glass)

We received a piece of junk mail at home from a company that said, "We miss you <sniff>", as if they were crying. I thought this was in rather poor taste but apparently it is not uncommon. The Consumerist tells of a credit card company writing like a spurned lover - "They promised that they'd change if we took them back. Things would be different this time." So Jon Acuff wrote back a reply in the same tone:

Dear (NAME OF CARD),

Wow, I don't really know where to begin. We've had some good times, haven't we? Remember that vacation I took you on? We had so much fun in (LOCATION). It wouldn't have been the same if you hadn't been there and had my back. And who can forget the time you helped me pay my (NAME OF BILL). That was a lifesaver!

But a few months later, I felt confused and hurt when you asked me for all that money back, plus 20% interest. I thought we had something special. I thought what we had was true. But now that I look back on it, for you, our entire relationship was about money. And it feels really one-sided. I give and I give and I give, and you just take, take, take. Sure, you give me small gifts here and there that you call "rewards," but even those I have to "earn."

I can't live this way. I feel like I don't even know you anymore. I want you out of my house, out of my life, and most importantly, out of my wallet.

I've found somebody else. Somebody I can trust. Somebody without hidden motives or hidden fees. He's simple but honest. Hardworking and true. I found someone who really cares about me and isn't into playing games.

I'm dating cash.

Don't call me anymore. I don't want you or your empty promises of frequent flyer miles. It's over.

Don't walk away mad. Just walk away, credit card... just walk away.

(YOUR NAME)

Bottom Line

Credit Cards are not your friend. Use them at your own risk and never mistake them for a cheap loan.